if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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