i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
