I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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