it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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