i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
