Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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