Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
