it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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