Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
