i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
