Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
