Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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