Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
