she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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