roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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