dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
did i walk over a car last night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
