we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
