Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
