Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
