This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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