Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want to make a zoo with you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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