Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
