just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
