how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
