apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
