hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
