Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
