Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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