those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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