the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
