how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
