Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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