I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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