Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My butt remains clenched, sir.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
