just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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