no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
