you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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