so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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