that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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