if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
