I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
