glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
