i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
