We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
