i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
