Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
