She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Green mimosas i think yes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
