I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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