he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
