We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need moral support for this bender
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
