How'd it feel making her break her religion?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
